Hello, Darlings.

I keep saying, I will write here, so very often.  I do, and then I do not.  I think I should address why I am not here every single day (or even once a month, or quarterly).  Without excuse but by way of explanation, sweethearts, it is simply because I defeat myself.  Those of you who actually know me, personally, know that I am a huge advocate, a giant voice for those who suffer from mental illness, depression, anxiety, fear.  As a social worker and therapist I spent many years of my life shining a light on the hurts and horrors of kids and families with whom I worked.  I spent a lot of time with those kids.  I heard so many gritty details, so many hurts.  I loved, I worked, I lost.  There is a place still, in my heart, for all of those kids and families.  I miss them.

The great unknown, and unsaid, is that I experience some of this very hard to understand STUFF.  I never knew I had a diagnosis until I needed insurance and I had to contact a therapist I'd seen, after brain surgery, to see if there was something "wrong" with me.  I felt strongly, there was not.  What a shock when I received a letter informing me that I did have "Major Depressive Disorder".  That threw me for a loop, sent me flying, shocked the hell out of me.  I called said therapist , we talked a bit.  It turns out, he was not just trying to get me insurance coverage. As life goes. we are shocked, now and then.  This was the greatest shock of my life.  After all, I was a therapist!  How did I not see this... I don't know.  I will never know.

The beautiful thing is, it does not matter.  Every bit of everything  is going to be just fine.  What i have learned is that embracing the sadness, naming it, working through it, brings one to such joy, such contentment. There is so much peace in letting go of the things we think we want/need to control.  Letting go is such peace.

I took this photograph a few years ago, at Glensheen mansion.  I have been so enamored and fascinated with history in many ways; this incredible home is something which takes one back, it is a place which always amazes me.  This photograph was taken in the closet of one of the Congdon sons, who chose his love, photography.  He built a dark room and spent his days and nights locked up in this tiny space, working his art. The other sons did some amazing things; hunting, taxidermy, politics..  This son, though, chose art in the form of photography.  There is simply nothing about this son, that I do not love.

There is a lot, unshared.  I appreciate, though, that those of you who follow, follow.  Thank you so much.  This photograph has kept me taking photos, grabbing snaps, enticing little kids to smile their very best smiles.  Every smiling child, brings tears to my eyes.  I suppose, such is art.

much love.
J