Take time to be amazed

I'll admit it.  I've been in a bad space. A funk. A snit.  I've been in a mood, not for long, but for the past week or so.  I have much on my mind.  The holidays are stressful.  My friend is in the hospital.  I'm worried about our sweet Maggie, who may not be with us for long.  These troubles settle not just in my mind but somewhere under my left shoulder blade and deep inside my left hip.  I know better than to wait until my body renders me useless...I'm familiar with this pattern and I know how to deal with it, yet I resist the idea that I am not invincible.  Every single time. That is true of many people I know, who keep at it and carry on despite what might be debilitating circumstances. I wonder, what is this compulsion to be above pain, whether it is physical or emotional? 

I know where mine comes from.  My Grandpas were hard-working men who didn't have much time for sissified behavior.  Their wives, my Grandmas were incredible women, tougher than most people I know today.  These were people who believed in hard, honest work, and who lived their beliefs in a way that is as impressive to me now as it was then.  I can still hear my Grandpa Jack hollering, "Headache?  You have a headache?  I've had a headache every God damned day of my life!  Sooner you get to work, sooner you'll be done!"  There was no ailment that Grandpa Jack hadn't had every God damned day of his life, so good luck trying to get out of anything. My Grandpa Brooks built a business, an empire really, from the ground up, and worked at it eight days a week.  These were the people who made my parents, who then made me.  Lucky me.  Lucky, blessed me.  I am so glad to have inherited and learned this sort of tenacity; it has carried me through some difficult times.

I have thought of them, lately.  When I don't want to get out of bed to take a walk, just because I want to exercise, I think of them.  How they got up every morning much earlier than I do, even on my early days.  How they ran a business, managed a farm, raised children, and a hundred other daily things that I cannot even comprehend.  It makes my life by comparison seem so simple.  I am amazed by them. 

I've been growly on my walks, the past couple of weeks.  I don't much like exercise in any form.  I have walked by a particular bunch of weeds, which bend and catch the morning sun in a way that cannot be planned.  I keep thinking, "I need to grab my camera and catch that".  They are especially lovely on mornings when there is frost.  I realized today, I am amazed by them.  I've watched them while walking, while driving in and out of my driveway.  Why haven't I taken my camera just down my driveway to capture them?  They are amazing in their simplicity.

I took a walk this morning with my neighbor and friend.  I am amazed by how much this changed my mood and my day.  Took a break in my day and had lunch with another friend, and her daughter, one of my favorite grown-up kids ever.  I am amazed at how happy I was to see this young woman, and at how an hour with my friend, her mom, changed the whole direction of my day. 

On my way home I was inspired to consider other things which are incredible to me.  Here is just a partial list:

The unlikely but beautiful sea-green color of my husband's eyes
The way the big windows in my house face exactly northwest
The whorl on Lucy's face, the direction it flows, and how that is supposed to tell her personality and demeanor, and that it is accurate
That my mother in law is one of my best friends (truly!), and that she and my own mother are buddies (really!)
The extremely strange and unlikely circumstances which lead me to my short list of terrific friends
The way that I survived not one, but two brain surgeries
That my Dad is the person who put me back in touch with my Father, and pushed me to continue that relationship (figure that one out, ha ha)
That flowers can be green and purple at the same time
That I have the most amazing set of nieces and one nephew in the universe
That both of my stepmothers are not "stepmonsters" but women who I really love and admire
That I am loved (really!) by people I never thought I would be
That sunflowers exist and stand up, against all laws of physics
That hummingbirds exist,, and fly against all laws of physics
That now I have not just one but two horses, and they are both wonderful beyond belief
That I feel loving and protective over every kid in my neighborhood
That I feel loving and protective of every dog in my neighborhood, and that both dogs and kids are super cool

Certainly, I could make a much larger list.  But it was a bit of a game changer when I started thinking about things this way.  I encourage you to take time to be amazed.  It is a leveling exercise.  Good luck to you, and may you find something new to add to your list, every day.

I think tomorrow, I will grab my camera, catch those cool weeds when the sun is coming up.